finally!i have n0w the chance to make my own decisi0ns!=D

Its been r0ugh...
But n0w everything's ok...

I finally have the chance to make my own decisi0n, to live my life, to experience living in a different envir0nment, & im l0vin it.

Im in Pasig City n0w, arrived feb20 @7.30am. Its the first time i traveld by plane (yeah but i felt like its n0thing new to me). I can easily adapt an envir0nment as l0ng as i have a guide. Yeah its a big city full of busy pe0ple.

Im staying with my c0usin here in Pasig City. I have an interview just today, it went well. And i still have 2 interviews t0m0rr0w and on thurs. Hayts, what a day!

Friendships, i think i cant share my 'th0ughts to p0nder' these days, hmMm, but im g0nna try, maybe on my next p0sts.

I miss ya all, l0ve ko kayo friendships! MwaAahhHh! Bedtime na, maaga pa kasi ako bukas eh, dami pa aasikasuhin..

i'll start a new adventure in life...=)

no matter how depressed i was..

i'll come back rising again with the light...

been through tough situations..almost willing to give my life to someone....but anyway, that's life...people just come and go..and the greatest challenge is "how long can you stay?"...tomorrow's a new life..new adventure..a new phase, a new chapter...and im so excited...=D

i wanna do these things for myself..primary purpose is for myself..coz if i'd be doing something for someone..and definitely just ignore my efforts,,i must have been wasting my time...im positive, optimist..and im definitely sure of what i want in my life right now...gotta start making plans for a vacation this year...and i know..im gonna enjoy every minute of it..=)

im strong..strong enough to keep on believing something that i know worths it...but im also weak..weak for being scared of losing those who means to me the most...ohhhh,,,i just remembered someone...(ehehehe saba la! hi kuan gadla ehem! alamz na!)..speaking of..(hi kuan)..nakita q hi "N" kanina...grabeh tigdaan ako nga hea ngean ad2 na ak gin agi-an...ehehehe...d man hea nagbabasa ak blog...=)

stay strong....everything will just fall into place...i already have set my priorities now...and i love it...so much.....=)...and im so excited of my plans...of all the things that im going to do this year...activities, sight seeing, trying new foods...(desserts! ehem!)...cook...bake...hayts...so many things to do..so little time....

whatever might happen tomorrow (as if tomorrow never ends)...i got my alternative plans to keep me going...=)...wanna meet new friends..new faces,,,(i already know my source of motivation so it will be easy...) - although i rejected again the job offer in ormoc...

hmmmm...what a journey...learning new stuff...learning how to get going..it keeps getting me better and better everyday...and i love sharing my ideas to other people...=D...

love ya friendships....!

mamimiss ko kayong lahat...huhuhuhu....

goodbye leyte....

pero....

hello adventure!

ehehehe!

no one ever said life is easy

we all went through different situations in life..
grew up in different cultures and traditions...
surrounded by different people who influenced us..


we all shine in our own different ways..
all of us faced ups and downs..
but most importantly, we all rise every time we fall...


we just have to be strong..
be ready in whatever tomorrow might bring us..
keep on believing in our instincts ..
always have faith...

my happiness counts too...

the question is not: "is he/she the right one?"..rather "am i being the right one?"

we all differ from one person to another..

that's why we call ourselves as 'unique'..

just like everyone else...

individuals...although we may encounter people that we can just be ourselves..same likes and dislikes..same interests..same direction in life...there is something between the chemistry which attracts one person to another...just like in a battery, there is positive and negative..or yin yang...cng pa nira 'masumo qn tanan pareho la kamo, dapat there is also difference, like in photography, dapat may contrast..in math dapat balance ung equation'...

what if..you have already found that person which makes you complete and you can be yourself around him/her?...will you fight for it and take the risk?..or you'll just find someone new so it will be easier to start a relationship?..let's take a look on both sides...

let's take for example, you found the perfect match for you..because of 'who he/she really is'..but you hesitate to be together because of an issue...but both of you believe that you'll make it through..yes it will be rough along the way, but later on you'll encounter a smooth road because you already worked things out..they are saying its good to make some sacrifices at the beginning and be happy in the end than to enjoy the pleasure first and later on you have to sacrifice something....

what if you'll just meet someone new and start a relationship with him/her?...find someone better coz you know everything will worked out perfectly?..as i keep on telling myself over and over again, i dont wanna think about the past, coz its part of history...and i dont wanna keep on thinking of the future coz i will just take for granted of the present...that is the reason why i really appreciate what is happening on the present so i wont have any regrets....(yeah i know - what is the connection of all of these things to my question earlier?)..if you'll always trying to find someone better than what you had in the past, you'll be just be taking for granted the one that you have now coz you know that there is someone better...BUT..what if, in the future you wont find someone better than him/her?..one day you'll wake up in the morning and you'll realize "grabe, ibang iba pala siya"...and you'll just regret the day that you let her go...that's why i dont wanna make any regrets anymore...say what you have to say...before its too late...

in life, there are no certainties, because everything is just temporary...one day you have it, the next day, you'll lose it..treasure every moment, appreciate every effort..to make your life worth living for...

im just a friend...

confused by his words..

confused by his actions..

now its clear..

that im just his friend..

really....this one is very different from the relationships i've been with before...you think there's still a chance for a happy ending?...his concept of love is very different from mine...all i know is that...if you really wanna be with someone,  you will make it happen no matter what...coz its better to face tomorrow together than be alone..it will worth it..

last night before the conversation had ended, felt like, he's almost giving up..his faith is shaking..and i...i was a bit confused..knowing who is he with right now..i dont think i have a right to be jealous..i dont really have the right to be jealous...its not like im his girlfriend..im just his friend..and its just...he's making me feel like he wanted me to be his girlfriend...just remembered the quote: "people say that action speaks louder than words, but sometimes you still have to hear the words and see the actions at the same time..because words without actions are EMPTY and actions without words are CONFUSING"...

based from what i learned in my experiences in life (although im still young)...when you really love someone and you wanna be with that person, you make make it happen...doesnt matter what circumstances might come to your way...because you'll be facing it together...just have to be strong, have courage, keep the faith, trust, loyalty...and what really matters in a relationship..is his/her happiness..because in loving someone, foolishness can ruin the relationship, no matter how great your love is...just have to think where he/she will be happy..sometimes you just have to make sacrifices in order for that special someone to be happy...

yesterday there was another job offer to me..(its actually the second one - the first offer was last january but i declined/rejected the offer because i cant entertain him if im already working by the time he arrives here in Philippines)...but i never regret that decision coz i (finally) met him..its just worries me (no matter how many times i've been denying it to myself), coz we both know we like each other and just not ready to take a risk yet...i think he's just afraid that maybe in the future it wont work out (yeah i know what he's thinking - i dont know why i know him already even if we've only spent few days together)..he said he likes me..but i dont know if he can accept me or if he's willing to take a risk for a happy ending...

cant choose the right song that im feeling right now?

a song becomes my favorite if i can relate to it...

music which touches my heart...

lyrics which i cant be expressed...

am i just jealous???

hayts....

i deleted many songs a few weeks ago...changed it to rnb songs...hmmmm...cant stop thinking...why is this driving me crazy?...i dont know if i have a right..to be feeling like this..i dont know my limits...i dont know what's going on right now...

why does it have to be like this?..

maybe its this song: 'inseparable' by mariah carey....=)..its a very nice song...its also my ring tone...=)...here's the lyrics:

[Intro:]
Call my phone…
Baby call my phone…
Baby call my phone…
I be waitin’ to hear your ring tone…
Call my phone…
Baby call my phone…
Baby call my phone…
I be waitin’ to hear your ring tone…

[Verse 1:]
Lost without my other
Half – how can I live with out you
I don’t want another
That’s why I’m messed up about you

Can’t even dream with out seeing you
Why should I even try to breathe
And everything is off, without you
Guess it’s all my fault, ladies sing the blues

[Bridge:]
No one could deny it
We were flying like United
thought we’d never be divided
Cause the love we had inside us was…

[Chorus:]
Inseparable
If you’re up in this song
And you’re searching for the moment when two hearts went wrong
Inseparable
jealous of your love
Cause you swore you’d never ever give it up
Cause you’d thought that ya’ll was
Inseparable
Thought we’d stay together
Always and forever
But now I see that no one is
Inseparable
Except for us
One of us just got to pick the phone up
Cause I know we’re still
Inseparable

[Verse 2:]
Got photos of us on my refrigerator
Videos on my phone, boy I just cant erase them…
The first text I ever got from you still saved in my inbox
And I read it like time after time

Boy I’m lost, can’t you look, won’t you please find me
I’m down to my last tear, come rescue me
See it’s broken my heart, to the point where I don’t need it, has no reason now to beat
cause I just ain’t the same with out you
Boy I know we’re…

[Chorus:]
Inseparable
If you open this song
And you’re searching for the moment when two hearts went wrong
Inseparable
And jealous was your work
Cause you swore you’d never ever give it up
Cause you’d thought that ya’ll was
Inseparable
Thou we’d stay together
Always and forever
But now I see that no one is
Inseparable
Except for us
One of us just got to pick the phone up

[Breakdown:]
It’s been 16 days since I held you tight
Balled up me and my pillow in the middle of the night
Boy I just wish you show up and make everything alright
So what you waiting for?
Cause both us have thought of we’re

[Chorus:]
Inseparable
If you’re up in this song
And you’re searching for the moment when two hearts went wrong
Inseparable
jealous of your love
Cause you swore you’d never ever give it up
Cause you’d thought that ya’ll was
Inseparable
Thou we’d stay together
Always and forever
But now I see that no one is
Inseparable
Except for us
One of us just got to pick the phone up
Cause I know we’re still
Inseparable
If you’re up in this song
And you’re searching for the moment when two hearts went wrong
Inseparable
jealous of your love
Cause you swore you’d never ever give it up
Cause you’d thought that ya’ll was
Inseparable
Thou we’d stay together
Always and forever
But now I see that no one is
Inseparable
Except for us
One of us just got to pick the phone up
Cause I know we’re still
Inseparable

=)

languishing

If you could only see that I was not put here for you

To judge me and dispute my in most truth

And after all these years of enmity, envy and tears

It's a shame, you don't know me at all

I was wondering would you cry for me

If I told you that I couldn't breathe

If I was drowning, suffocating

If I told you that I couldn't breathe

Those ageless buried recollections

We transform them and select them

You have yours, I have mine, that's fine

Why are we too torn to heal?

Our stitches never disappeared

I have mine, you have yours, I'm sure

I was wondering, would you reach for me?

If you saw that I was languishing

I was wondering, would you cry for me?

If I told you that I couldn't breathe

If I was drowning, suffocating

If I told you that I couldn't breathe

is it true?

my cousin is amazed by me..she said even though i keep on crying, when someone calls me on my phone, i can act like "everything's ok"..i dont know why i can speak with someone via text, call, chat / email..but i can't speak when someone personally asks me face-to-face what's wrong...and everytime i cry and just need some comfort, when someone hugs me..why do i tend to cry more?..

never expected this...

though we've only spend few days together...

finally its him that i've been waiting for..

keep the faith lorenz, keep the faith...

though this morning was ok, and im so happy that he's staying strong...he called me this morning and just keep our communication...i just dont know the reason why im feeling like this...probably its my fault..

my cousin called me this morning knowing that i might be on my way to Palawan...but she's also disappointed of my mom coz she also went through what im going through right now...i dont know if im considering myself as 'ok'...or im just trying to have fun with my cousin and my best friend just to hide my emotions...(yeah - coz they said the best way to do whenever you're depressed or sad is just to bond with your friends)..i dont know why i never really smiled today...closed lips on my pics..i dont know..

everyone deserves to be happy...and he deserve to enjoy his holidays...wew!..i need to be happy for him that he's got a companion right now...i dont know if i have a right to feel like this...right now...i just dont want to ruin his vacation...he need to enjoy his holidays...whatever happens, im just gonna be there for him..i promised this to myself last night...

he needs to be happy...

that's all i can say..

what a day! wew!

be strong..

stay strong..

everything will work out in the end..

i woke up this morning with a cold...i found it hard to sleep last night because of it...but..i just drink lots and lots of water...=)...anyway...today..just planned to be with my best friend (spongebob) marywin...before lunch...me and my cousin ate jinkz went to their home in campetic, palo...very nice place...very quiet...and her grandmother is just very friendly to me coz she knew that me and marywin have been so close since high school...i mean her family knew me very well...(but i honestly cant remember her bro & sis)..they just call me "ate lorena"....makes me think like they're also my family...=)

so me, marywin and ate jinkz went to Robinson's Place, just hangout there...bought something to eat...then took some pics...here they are:

we were just outside of the movieworld and took some pics....hmmmm....then went to the department store saw some stuffed toy and took pictures (shhhhh)...then after that we went to different directions...marywin had to get back home, ate jinkz went to her friend's house...and i went for my interview...the interview went well...(the staff actually offered me as a loans processor in their branch in ormoc city)...

wanna know what i did next after the interview?....i went to the downtown area....window shopping...tried some clothes on, take pics, return the item then got out from the store..(that;s my life whenever im window shopping..so much fun)...=D...

 

shhhhhh......

after window shopping...just went to robinson's place again...take a look of some stuff there...waiting for ate jinkz...then after that went to the supermarket and bought something(ehem! just some drinks - you can never guess what i bought - anyway..im not that much of a drinker but i bought a root beer...)

well..i have my own reasons why i bought a beer....

been a rough evening last night

totally blank...

totally lost...

just net surfing and watching movies so i wont worry anything...i mean everything happens for a reason, right?...we meet people in our journey..and we dont know how long are they going to be there for us..that's why we have to treasure every moment we have with our loved ones..before its too late...

situations are never complicated..its just simple..questions may be complicated..but the answers are just simple..just think about this: "what do you want in your life?"..we all need someone who can be with us for the rest of our lives..in our journey, we've been with the wrong ones..but once you find the right one..when you already know it HER that you wanted..never let her go..coz whatever hindrances you have other than yourselves, it will just fall into place perfectly..never fear what will happen in the future coz it will only keep you worrying..we just have to be ready about everything...you'll never know, the right person might be standing in front of you...the important thing is, both of you have tried..coz all the pain that you'll be feeling will all worth it...

falling in love is like a package given to you..in that package, there is happiness, jealousy, hurt, pain, etc..and once you decided to love someone you have to be ready for everything..i remembered this quote: "in order to be happy with the right girl/guy, just be the right one for him/her"....

i put myself out there again

i had put myself out there again..

being open to someone..

but then it shattered me(again)..

no updates on my blog recently..

been busy..

sorry bout that..

i may have change a bit since last year..and right now, at this moment, im stuck with this emotion again..but this time, it's no one's fault..i didnt know that it will be like this, i thought everything will work out perfectly..just like what i learned before, 'what really matters is the feelings you have for each other, whenever there is a challenge, face it, risk what you have, and it will all worth it, everything will just follow just have patience and courage then everything will be alright'...

right now, at this moment, i dont really know what to do..whatever happens, happens!...i care about him..and he believed that there is something for us is the future(me too)..although both of us want the same things in life, some things are just not turning out the way we want it to be..i know i dont have any right to be feeling like this, im not supposed to be hurt, im not supposed to cry, but i did..coz i felt something for him..now i dont know what really matters right now..confused, shattered, depressed..one moment i feel like cheering him up but he still worries, im feeling what he feels, coz i know this is not what he expected, and i didnt expect that these things could happen too..

i dont know, im totally blank..and i just need to let this out right now..kinda emotional..i really appreciate his efforts, its the reason why i just wanna find ways to make some time with him..anyway..maybe i feel like this because i know both sides of the story..im just finding it hard to decide somewhere in the middle..my cousin knows what im going through then she told me that it is just so complicated.i think im trapped inside..i dont know the way out..

she was making sure of my safety and he was making me happy...both have good intentions..but she was keeping me safe too much like im a 7 year old girl..he was trying his best so i'll like him but i already did liked him even before i met him..she planned the best things for me, but he planned the things that will make me happy..confused, down and hurt..

yesterday was valentines day..nice day..i was receiving jokes from my classmates and friends..they knew that i dont have a boyfriend yet but they knew that im interested with someone..anyway, they were sending me 'happy independence day'..(for those who were single on valentines day) and 'join ka na sa samahan ng malalamig na pebrero'..i still belong to this group coz im still single..i thought that it will take me forever to find a nice guy who will be sincere, but unexpectedly, he found me..and now that we found each other there is a challenge (the balance of nature - there's always something that will come your way when you already knew what will make you happy)..im ready to put myself out there again..but..

hayts,,,,

been so long

couple of months had passed since i have wrote a blog post here...
im just so happy these days that i dont even know where to start..=)

hmmm...have you ever heard the song "when im with you" by faber drive? its a very nice song..a very very close friend of mine (almost like my sis) suggested the song to me..i loved it more when i watched its music video..love the music, love the lyrics i just love everything about the song..=)

well, my close friend who suggested this song to me...for a long time that we havent talked and seen each other..almost like 2months..called me yesterday afternoon..i was just so happy she called me...she have been busy with her studies lately because she'll graduate this coming march...i missed her so much wish we could hang out when she's available....i love visiting her in their home..talking lots of stuff..and we just walk around their barangay...sometimes we even go up the hill and take some pictures....here are some pics of us:

 

well...those are just few pics of us..ehehehehe...=)

my new fave songs (lyrics)

Angel Cry Lyrics

Mariah:

I shouldn't have walked away

I would've stayed if you said

We could've made everything OK

But we just

Threw the blame back and forth

We treated love like a sport

The final blow hit so low

I'm still on the ground

I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall

Shattered in pieces curled on the floor

Super natural love conquers all

'Member we used to touch the sky

And

Lightning don't strike

The same place twice

When you and I said goodbye

I felt the angels cry

True love's a gift

We let it drift

In a storm

Every night

I feel the angels cry

C'mon babe can't our love be revived

Bring it back and we gon' make it right

I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive

As the angels cry

Ne-Yo:

I thought we'd be forever and always

You were serenity

You took away the bad days

Didn't always treat you right

But it was OK

I do somethin' stupid

And you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long

Doing the one you claim to love wrong

Before too much is enough

You look up

Find your love gone

And

We were so good together

How come we could not weather

This storm and just do better

Why did we say goodbye

'Cause lightning don't strike

The same place twice

When you and I said goodbye

I felt the angels cry

True love's a gift

We let it drift

In a storm

Now every night

I feel the angels cry

Mariah & Ne-Yo:

C'mon babe can't our love be revived

Bring it back and we gon' make it right

I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive

As the angels cry

Baby I'm missin' you

Don't allow love to lose

We gotta ride it through

I'm reaching for you

Baby I'm missin' you

Don't allow love to lose

We gotta ride it through

I'm reaching for you

Lightning don't strike

The same place twice

When you and I said goodbye

I felt the angels cry

True love's a gift

But we let it slip

In a storm

Every night

I feel the angels cry

Oh babe, the angels cry

_____________________________________________________

I Want To Know What Love Is Lyrics

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when Im colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is.....
I want you to show me......
I wanna feel what love is.....
I know you can show me......

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me....
Ive got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me....

In my life! there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life!.!.!.!.

I wanna know what love is.....
I want you to show me......
I wanna feel what love is......
I know you can show me......

I wanna know what love is....
I want you to show me....
And I wanna feel, I want to.... feel what love is....
And I know, I know you can show me....

show me

I wanna know what love is, lets talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is...

__________________________________________________

Always lyrics
This Romeo is bleedin'
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been rainin' since you left me
Now I'm drownin' in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I'll give up

I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
I guess I'm not that good anymore
But that's just me

I will love you baby
Always
And I'll be there forever and a day
Always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye

What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
Touch your lips and hold you near
When you say your prayers understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needin' to hear
I wish I was him with these words of mine
To say to you till the end of time

That I will love you baby
Always
And I'll be there forever and a day
Always

If you told me to cry for you, I could
If you told me to die for you, I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

I will love you baby
Always
And I'll be there forever and a day
Always

I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and words don't rhyme
And I know when I die you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you always

someone said....

just today...when i was talking to a friend of mine..and when i told him about the good thing that happened to me yesterday (9-22-10)..he was actually saying that "i knew all along that you've got that potential in you..well goodluck with that..", he added some thing..well that was awkward...but here it is "you know when your ex will see you..(about that achieving dream thing)..he will beg for you to get back together..coz if im just available..i will take you out"...can you believe that?...well anyway..i just dont believe in that..its just a joke..thats what friends do to keep your friend smiling...

i dont know but maybe he's right..he told me that.."because its been you're dream since high school, you cant back out now..now that u already have the opportunity...i know that they found some thing in you..and you got what they wanted..u have the potential to be where you want"..inspiring, isnt it?...

its been so long...and finally..

my friends and my classmates often see me smiling...but not really happy...this week, just this week...i finally got the opportunity to achieve my dreams...surprisingly, i didn't expect that it will be the result..but i did it..good thing i was prepared....you know it has always been my dream...

i kept it secret...but then..because i was chosen to be in the list..i wanna tell the whole world about what happened..i mean...what really happened....i am happy that i was chosen..and im glad that i took that opportunity...im not gonna tell everyone about this..coz i know that they wont believe in it..

i guess i've changed..well, i knew all along that i really have to change...i want a new life..new people in my life..people i wanna care about..set priorities..dont go beyond any limits which i can't fight for..meaning?..i have to set aside love life first..clearly..its not yet my time..im not yet ready for any commitment..

for a long time..even though i was hurt..i was actually smiling..and im glad that it did happen...its one thing that i've gotta realize that if i just open my eyes..and forget all my needs and wants..i felt happier..even though im just looking in the strangers around me..when i take a look at their facial expressions..i just..i feel different...and this..this had shocked me...(really)..i was in a jeep..there was a girl with a baby with her..and i dont know why but the baby was staring at me..(eye-to-eye)..and i saw how cute that baby was..the skin..the cheeks..those tiny hands..i was actually smiling at the baby..and im guessing the baby was looking at me in curiosity..

i dont know..i just felt strange this past few days...and im really having lots of opportunities...like my dream..(which i've always wanted to achieve since high school)..a job that's waiting for me(just one prob, my mom wont let me go..she doesnt want me to be homesick..)..i finally knew who my real friend is..(a real one..really)...i just..felt satisfied...

i keep on telling myself the day that i was hurt...that..i dont need a bf...(and there was this song that's stuck in my head "i dont need a man" by pcd)...i got other priorities in life..there are lots of things i still wanna do..i wanna have an adventure..i wanna travel and run away from here..just like that...

there are lots of people that i could talk to..and i know that they'd understand if i just try to open myself up a bit...im just so secretive..and i cant blame anyone for that(in fact im just so thankful to everything that had happened in my life)...

there are still lots of things going on out there..and i wanna know what it is...i wanna learn something new..do what interests me the most...i just realized that im capable of doing anything...(like that big dream of mine)..i wanna know how to cook different dishes..i wanna ride a bike(yeah im not kidding i dont know how to ride a bicycle)..i wanna make my own clothes(fashion designs)..interior design..hmmm what else?...i cant say much about those interests right now...

wew! its been a lovely day today..even though im really exhausted..i feel happier than ever before...

its time to let go..

how would you react when your special someone is making you feel like he doesn't love you anymore?..you saw him on day..and you noticed the signs that HE'S NOT INTO YOU ANYMORE, YOU DONT MATTER ANYMORE, YOU WORTH NOTHING TO HIM ANYMORE...how would you react?

i have been keeping all the memories..keeping it safe..but then..if its giving me pain..if its making me miss him and see him again..ITS TIME TO LET GO..that moment when i was mad at myself, for the first time in my life..i didnt realize that i was already throwing things in my room..i hurt myself..i was bleeding already..good thing my mom and dad wasnt home..as secretive as i am..i hide my wound..and im sure no one will notice it..

what's the good thing that happened to me at that time?..i finally got my voice..and i was happy when i was singing high notes..but my mom still noticed that the songs that im singing were all about broken heart..

anyway..its either i have to give the stuff back..or to throw it all away?..what's your choice?...i just have to forget all those things..i have to..so someday..i'll be ready to risk love..

someday..i'll be ready

i've been busy lately for school stuff and i didnt notice that i havent got the time to write a post in my blog..

as i was on my way home...i have realized something..maybe if i forget all my worries and my probs..maybe life would be easier..because i always worry a lot..i didnt got the chance the open my eyes to see the beauty of life..often i always center myself to a certain topic..and the situation...but..im not minding of the other people around me...coz as long as im doing my own thing,,im good with it..like walkin in a crowded mall..i just head straight to where i wanna go..im not minding the other people..maybe my schoolmate is there..friend..classmate..no...(kinda snob huh)

maybe i have to meet new ones..open myself to them..so i wont feel like im alone...right?..but...a close friend once told me.."whenever we get hurt..we always find ways not be feel that pain again..that why the next time we found ourselves being in a relationships..we often feel SCARED..scared of getting hurt again..we lose our trust that maybe this guy may be another piece of shit that will ruin us again.."..that night when i heard it from her, it reminded me all my regrets that i've already forgotten..it keeps on bringing me back to where i was before..

have you watched this movie?..GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST..yeah its a nice movie..and i really loved it....so..the next time that i'll fall in love..i'll risk myself again..for the second time..did i mention?..i only risk love once in my life..even though i've been with relationships before..

maybe..when that day comes..i'll be ready to..fight for it..(coz i dont know how to fight for love now)..and no more secrets...

whenever i meet new friends..i am never the same..but something had never change..a part of me never change..maybe now i just have to focus myself to my family..to my interests..do the stuff that i love..have an adventure..and leave all the pains behind...

..i dnt know what to do anymore

speechless..i dont even know what to say anymore..i dont know how to express every detail in my mind..all i know is that..i miss him..and i miss how we spend time with each other..i was better with him..and thinking of all the things that he did for me..made me regret of how i acted..

i dont wanna love anyone else..for now..its him who my heart longs for..i kept all the stuff he gave me,,i kept them all..i love the stuffd toy he gave me..and i always wanna embrace it when i go to sleep..i got the card he gave me..the rose that i kept..it will never fade away..

for now..i just need to be alone..no matter how i feel..if we're meant for each other, he'll come back..and if he dont..i dnt know if im gonna wait for him or just..i dont know..

(-_-)