its been so long...and finally..

my friends and my classmates often see me smiling...but not really happy...this week, just this week...i finally got the opportunity to achieve my dreams...surprisingly, i didn't expect that it will be the result..but i did it..good thing i was prepared....you know it has always been my dream...

i kept it secret...but then..because i was chosen to be in the list..i wanna tell the whole world about what happened..i mean...what really happened....i am happy that i was chosen..and im glad that i took that opportunity...im not gonna tell everyone about this..coz i know that they wont believe in it..

i guess i've changed..well, i knew all along that i really have to change...i want a new life..new people in my life..people i wanna care about..set priorities..dont go beyond any limits which i can't fight for..meaning?..i have to set aside love life first..clearly..its not yet my time..im not yet ready for any commitment..

for a long time..even though i was hurt..i was actually smiling..and im glad that it did happen...its one thing that i've gotta realize that if i just open my eyes..and forget all my needs and wants..i felt happier..even though im just looking in the strangers around me..when i take a look at their facial expressions..i just..i feel different...and this..this had shocked me...(really)..i was in a jeep..there was a girl with a baby with her..and i dont know why but the baby was staring at me..(eye-to-eye)..and i saw how cute that baby was..the skin..the cheeks..those tiny hands..i was actually smiling at the baby..and im guessing the baby was looking at me in curiosity..

i dont know..i just felt strange this past few days...and im really having lots of opportunities...like my dream..(which i've always wanted to achieve since high school)..a job that's waiting for me(just one prob, my mom wont let me go..she doesnt want me to be homesick..)..i finally knew who my real friend is..(a real one..really)...i just..felt satisfied...

i keep on telling myself the day that i was hurt...that..i dont need a bf...(and there was this song that's stuck in my head "i dont need a man" by pcd)...i got other priorities in life..there are lots of things i still wanna do..i wanna have an adventure..i wanna travel and run away from here..just like that...

there are lots of people that i could talk to..and i know that they'd understand if i just try to open myself up a bit...im just so secretive..and i cant blame anyone for that(in fact im just so thankful to everything that had happened in my life)...

there are still lots of things going on out there..and i wanna know what it is...i wanna learn something new..do what interests me the most...i just realized that im capable of doing anything...(like that big dream of mine)..i wanna know how to cook different dishes..i wanna ride a bike(yeah im not kidding i dont know how to ride a bicycle)..i wanna make my own clothes(fashion designs)..interior design..hmmm what else?...i cant say much about those interests right now...

wew! its been a lovely day today..even though im really exhausted..i feel happier than ever before...