i put myself out there again

i had put myself out there again..

being open to someone..

but then it shattered me(again)..

no updates on my blog recently..

been busy..

sorry bout that..

i may have change a bit since last year..and right now, at this moment, im stuck with this emotion again..but this time, it's no one's fault..i didnt know that it will be like this, i thought everything will work out perfectly..just like what i learned before, 'what really matters is the feelings you have for each other, whenever there is a challenge, face it, risk what you have, and it will all worth it, everything will just follow just have patience and courage then everything will be alright'...

right now, at this moment, i dont really know what to do..whatever happens, happens!...i care about him..and he believed that there is something for us is the future(me too)..although both of us want the same things in life, some things are just not turning out the way we want it to be..i know i dont have any right to be feeling like this, im not supposed to be hurt, im not supposed to cry, but i did..coz i felt something for him..now i dont know what really matters right now..confused, shattered, depressed..one moment i feel like cheering him up but he still worries, im feeling what he feels, coz i know this is not what he expected, and i didnt expect that these things could happen too..

i dont know, im totally blank..and i just need to let this out right now..kinda emotional..i really appreciate his efforts, its the reason why i just wanna find ways to make some time with him..anyway..maybe i feel like this because i know both sides of the story..im just finding it hard to decide somewhere in the middle..my cousin knows what im going through then she told me that it is just so complicated.i think im trapped inside..i dont know the way out..

she was making sure of my safety and he was making me happy...both have good intentions..but she was keeping me safe too much like im a 7 year old girl..he was trying his best so i'll like him but i already did liked him even before i met him..she planned the best things for me, but he planned the things that will make me happy..confused, down and hurt..

yesterday was valentines day..nice day..i was receiving jokes from my classmates and friends..they knew that i dont have a boyfriend yet but they knew that im interested with someone..anyway, they were sending me 'happy independence day'..(for those who were single on valentines day) and 'join ka na sa samahan ng malalamig na pebrero'..i still belong to this group coz im still single..i thought that it will take me forever to find a nice guy who will be sincere, but unexpectedly, he found me..and now that we found each other there is a challenge (the balance of nature - there's always something that will come your way when you already knew what will make you happy)..im ready to put myself out there again..but..

hayts,,,,