finally!i have n0w the chance to make my own decisi0ns!=D

Its been r0ugh...
But n0w everything's ok...

I finally have the chance to make my own decisi0n, to live my life, to experience living in a different envir0nment, & im l0vin it.

Im in Pasig City n0w, arrived feb20 @7.30am. Its the first time i traveld by plane (yeah but i felt like its n0thing new to me). I can easily adapt an envir0nment as l0ng as i have a guide. Yeah its a big city full of busy pe0ple.

Im staying with my c0usin here in Pasig City. I have an interview just today, it went well. And i still have 2 interviews t0m0rr0w and on thurs. Hayts, what a day!

Friendships, i think i cant share my 'th0ughts to p0nder' these days, hmMm, but im g0nna try, maybe on my next p0sts.

I miss ya all, l0ve ko kayo friendships! MwaAahhHh! Bedtime na, maaga pa kasi ako bukas eh, dami pa aasikasuhin..

i'll start a new adventure in life...=)

no matter how depressed i was..

i'll come back rising again with the light...

been through tough situations..almost willing to give my life to someone....but anyway, that's life...people just come and go..and the greatest challenge is "how long can you stay?"...tomorrow's a new life..new adventure..a new phase, a new chapter...and im so excited...=D

i wanna do these things for myself..primary purpose is for myself..coz if i'd be doing something for someone..and definitely just ignore my efforts,,i must have been wasting my time...im positive, optimist..and im definitely sure of what i want in my life right now...gotta start making plans for a vacation this year...and i know..im gonna enjoy every minute of it..=)

im strong..strong enough to keep on believing something that i know worths it...but im also weak..weak for being scared of losing those who means to me the most...ohhhh,,,i just remembered someone...(ehehehe saba la! hi kuan gadla ehem! alamz na!)..speaking of..(hi kuan)..nakita q hi "N" kanina...grabeh tigdaan ako nga hea ngean ad2 na ak gin agi-an...ehehehe...d man hea nagbabasa ak blog...=)

stay strong....everything will just fall into place...i already have set my priorities now...and i love it...so much.....=)...and im so excited of my plans...of all the things that im going to do this year...activities, sight seeing, trying new foods...(desserts! ehem!)...cook...bake...hayts...so many things to do..so little time....

whatever might happen tomorrow (as if tomorrow never ends)...i got my alternative plans to keep me going...=)...wanna meet new friends..new faces,,,(i already know my source of motivation so it will be easy...) - although i rejected again the job offer in ormoc...

hmmmm...what a journey...learning new stuff...learning how to get going..it keeps getting me better and better everyday...and i love sharing my ideas to other people...=D...

love ya friendships....!

mamimiss ko kayong lahat...huhuhuhu....

goodbye leyte....

pero....

hello adventure!

ehehehe!

no one ever said life is easy

we all went through different situations in life..
grew up in different cultures and traditions...
surrounded by different people who influenced us..


we all shine in our own different ways..
all of us faced ups and downs..
but most importantly, we all rise every time we fall...


we just have to be strong..
be ready in whatever tomorrow might bring us..
keep on believing in our instincts ..
always have faith...

my happiness counts too...

the question is not: "is he/she the right one?"..rather "am i being the right one?"

we all differ from one person to another..

that's why we call ourselves as 'unique'..

just like everyone else...

individuals...although we may encounter people that we can just be ourselves..same likes and dislikes..same interests..same direction in life...there is something between the chemistry which attracts one person to another...just like in a battery, there is positive and negative..or yin yang...cng pa nira 'masumo qn tanan pareho la kamo, dapat there is also difference, like in photography, dapat may contrast..in math dapat balance ung equation'...

what if..you have already found that person which makes you complete and you can be yourself around him/her?...will you fight for it and take the risk?..or you'll just find someone new so it will be easier to start a relationship?..let's take a look on both sides...

let's take for example, you found the perfect match for you..because of 'who he/she really is'..but you hesitate to be together because of an issue...but both of you believe that you'll make it through..yes it will be rough along the way, but later on you'll encounter a smooth road because you already worked things out..they are saying its good to make some sacrifices at the beginning and be happy in the end than to enjoy the pleasure first and later on you have to sacrifice something....

what if you'll just meet someone new and start a relationship with him/her?...find someone better coz you know everything will worked out perfectly?..as i keep on telling myself over and over again, i dont wanna think about the past, coz its part of history...and i dont wanna keep on thinking of the future coz i will just take for granted of the present...that is the reason why i really appreciate what is happening on the present so i wont have any regrets....(yeah i know - what is the connection of all of these things to my question earlier?)..if you'll always trying to find someone better than what you had in the past, you'll be just be taking for granted the one that you have now coz you know that there is someone better...BUT..what if, in the future you wont find someone better than him/her?..one day you'll wake up in the morning and you'll realize "grabe, ibang iba pala siya"...and you'll just regret the day that you let her go...that's why i dont wanna make any regrets anymore...say what you have to say...before its too late...

in life, there are no certainties, because everything is just temporary...one day you have it, the next day, you'll lose it..treasure every moment, appreciate every effort..to make your life worth living for...

im just a friend...

confused by his words..

confused by his actions..

now its clear..

that im just his friend..

really....this one is very different from the relationships i've been with before...you think there's still a chance for a happy ending?...his concept of love is very different from mine...all i know is that...if you really wanna be with someone,  you will make it happen no matter what...coz its better to face tomorrow together than be alone..it will worth it..

last night before the conversation had ended, felt like, he's almost giving up..his faith is shaking..and i...i was a bit confused..knowing who is he with right now..i dont think i have a right to be jealous..i dont really have the right to be jealous...its not like im his girlfriend..im just his friend..and its just...he's making me feel like he wanted me to be his girlfriend...just remembered the quote: "people say that action speaks louder than words, but sometimes you still have to hear the words and see the actions at the same time..because words without actions are EMPTY and actions without words are CONFUSING"...

based from what i learned in my experiences in life (although im still young)...when you really love someone and you wanna be with that person, you make make it happen...doesnt matter what circumstances might come to your way...because you'll be facing it together...just have to be strong, have courage, keep the faith, trust, loyalty...and what really matters in a relationship..is his/her happiness..because in loving someone, foolishness can ruin the relationship, no matter how great your love is...just have to think where he/she will be happy..sometimes you just have to make sacrifices in order for that special someone to be happy...

yesterday there was another job offer to me..(its actually the second one - the first offer was last january but i declined/rejected the offer because i cant entertain him if im already working by the time he arrives here in Philippines)...but i never regret that decision coz i (finally) met him..its just worries me (no matter how many times i've been denying it to myself), coz we both know we like each other and just not ready to take a risk yet...i think he's just afraid that maybe in the future it wont work out (yeah i know what he's thinking - i dont know why i know him already even if we've only spent few days together)..he said he likes me..but i dont know if he can accept me or if he's willing to take a risk for a happy ending...

cant choose the right song that im feeling right now?

a song becomes my favorite if i can relate to it...

music which touches my heart...

lyrics which i cant be expressed...

am i just jealous???

hayts....

i deleted many songs a few weeks ago...changed it to rnb songs...hmmmm...cant stop thinking...why is this driving me crazy?...i dont know if i have a right..to be feeling like this..i dont know my limits...i dont know what's going on right now...

why does it have to be like this?..

maybe its this song: 'inseparable' by mariah carey....=)..its a very nice song...its also my ring tone...=)...here's the lyrics:

[Intro:]
Call my phone…
Baby call my phone…
Baby call my phone…
I be waitin’ to hear your ring tone…
Call my phone…
Baby call my phone…
Baby call my phone…
I be waitin’ to hear your ring tone…

[Verse 1:]
Lost without my other
Half – how can I live with out you
I don’t want another
That’s why I’m messed up about you

Can’t even dream with out seeing you
Why should I even try to breathe
And everything is off, without you
Guess it’s all my fault, ladies sing the blues

[Bridge:]
No one could deny it
We were flying like United
thought we’d never be divided
Cause the love we had inside us was…

[Chorus:]
Inseparable
If you’re up in this song
And you’re searching for the moment when two hearts went wrong
Inseparable
jealous of your love
Cause you swore you’d never ever give it up
Cause you’d thought that ya’ll was
Inseparable
Thought we’d stay together
Always and forever
But now I see that no one is
Inseparable
Except for us
One of us just got to pick the phone up
Cause I know we’re still
Inseparable

[Verse 2:]
Got photos of us on my refrigerator
Videos on my phone, boy I just cant erase them…
The first text I ever got from you still saved in my inbox
And I read it like time after time

Boy I’m lost, can’t you look, won’t you please find me
I’m down to my last tear, come rescue me
See it’s broken my heart, to the point where I don’t need it, has no reason now to beat
cause I just ain’t the same with out you
Boy I know we’re…

[Chorus:]
Inseparable
If you open this song
And you’re searching for the moment when two hearts went wrong
Inseparable
And jealous was your work
Cause you swore you’d never ever give it up
Cause you’d thought that ya’ll was
Inseparable
Thou we’d stay together
Always and forever
But now I see that no one is
Inseparable
Except for us
One of us just got to pick the phone up

[Breakdown:]
It’s been 16 days since I held you tight
Balled up me and my pillow in the middle of the night
Boy I just wish you show up and make everything alright
So what you waiting for?
Cause both us have thought of we’re

[Chorus:]
Inseparable
If you’re up in this song
And you’re searching for the moment when two hearts went wrong
Inseparable
jealous of your love
Cause you swore you’d never ever give it up
Cause you’d thought that ya’ll was
Inseparable
Thou we’d stay together
Always and forever
But now I see that no one is
Inseparable
Except for us
One of us just got to pick the phone up
Cause I know we’re still
Inseparable
If you’re up in this song
And you’re searching for the moment when two hearts went wrong
Inseparable
jealous of your love
Cause you swore you’d never ever give it up
Cause you’d thought that ya’ll was
Inseparable
Thou we’d stay together
Always and forever
But now I see that no one is
Inseparable
Except for us
One of us just got to pick the phone up
Cause I know we’re still
Inseparable

=)

languishing

If you could only see that I was not put here for you

To judge me and dispute my in most truth

And after all these years of enmity, envy and tears

It's a shame, you don't know me at all

I was wondering would you cry for me

If I told you that I couldn't breathe

If I was drowning, suffocating

If I told you that I couldn't breathe

Those ageless buried recollections

We transform them and select them

You have yours, I have mine, that's fine

Why are we too torn to heal?

Our stitches never disappeared

I have mine, you have yours, I'm sure

I was wondering, would you reach for me?

If you saw that I was languishing

I was wondering, would you cry for me?

If I told you that I couldn't breathe

If I was drowning, suffocating

If I told you that I couldn't breathe

is it true?

my cousin is amazed by me..she said even though i keep on crying, when someone calls me on my phone, i can act like "everything's ok"..i dont know why i can speak with someone via text, call, chat / email..but i can't speak when someone personally asks me face-to-face what's wrong...and everytime i cry and just need some comfort, when someone hugs me..why do i tend to cry more?..

never expected this...

though we've only spend few days together...

finally its him that i've been waiting for..

keep the faith lorenz, keep the faith...

though this morning was ok, and im so happy that he's staying strong...he called me this morning and just keep our communication...i just dont know the reason why im feeling like this...probably its my fault..

my cousin called me this morning knowing that i might be on my way to Palawan...but she's also disappointed of my mom coz she also went through what im going through right now...i dont know if im considering myself as 'ok'...or im just trying to have fun with my cousin and my best friend just to hide my emotions...(yeah - coz they said the best way to do whenever you're depressed or sad is just to bond with your friends)..i dont know why i never really smiled today...closed lips on my pics..i dont know..

everyone deserves to be happy...and he deserve to enjoy his holidays...wew!..i need to be happy for him that he's got a companion right now...i dont know if i have a right to feel like this...right now...i just dont want to ruin his vacation...he need to enjoy his holidays...whatever happens, im just gonna be there for him..i promised this to myself last night...

he needs to be happy...

that's all i can say..

what a day! wew!

be strong..

stay strong..

everything will work out in the end..

i woke up this morning with a cold...i found it hard to sleep last night because of it...but..i just drink lots and lots of water...=)...anyway...today..just planned to be with my best friend (spongebob) marywin...before lunch...me and my cousin ate jinkz went to their home in campetic, palo...very nice place...very quiet...and her grandmother is just very friendly to me coz she knew that me and marywin have been so close since high school...i mean her family knew me very well...(but i honestly cant remember her bro & sis)..they just call me "ate lorena"....makes me think like they're also my family...=)

so me, marywin and ate jinkz went to Robinson's Place, just hangout there...bought something to eat...then took some pics...here they are:

we were just outside of the movieworld and took some pics....hmmmm....then went to the department store saw some stuffed toy and took pictures (shhhhh)...then after that we went to different directions...marywin had to get back home, ate jinkz went to her friend's house...and i went for my interview...the interview went well...(the staff actually offered me as a loans processor in their branch in ormoc city)...

wanna know what i did next after the interview?....i went to the downtown area....window shopping...tried some clothes on, take pics, return the item then got out from the store..(that;s my life whenever im window shopping..so much fun)...=D...

 

shhhhhh......

after window shopping...just went to robinson's place again...take a look of some stuff there...waiting for ate jinkz...then after that went to the supermarket and bought something(ehem! just some drinks - you can never guess what i bought - anyway..im not that much of a drinker but i bought a root beer...)

well..i have my own reasons why i bought a beer....

been a rough evening last night

totally blank...

totally lost...

just net surfing and watching movies so i wont worry anything...i mean everything happens for a reason, right?...we meet people in our journey..and we dont know how long are they going to be there for us..that's why we have to treasure every moment we have with our loved ones..before its too late...

situations are never complicated..its just simple..questions may be complicated..but the answers are just simple..just think about this: "what do you want in your life?"..we all need someone who can be with us for the rest of our lives..in our journey, we've been with the wrong ones..but once you find the right one..when you already know it HER that you wanted..never let her go..coz whatever hindrances you have other than yourselves, it will just fall into place perfectly..never fear what will happen in the future coz it will only keep you worrying..we just have to be ready about everything...you'll never know, the right person might be standing in front of you...the important thing is, both of you have tried..coz all the pain that you'll be feeling will all worth it...

falling in love is like a package given to you..in that package, there is happiness, jealousy, hurt, pain, etc..and once you decided to love someone you have to be ready for everything..i remembered this quote: "in order to be happy with the right girl/guy, just be the right one for him/her"....

i put myself out there again

i had put myself out there again..

being open to someone..

but then it shattered me(again)..

no updates on my blog recently..

been busy..

sorry bout that..

i may have change a bit since last year..and right now, at this moment, im stuck with this emotion again..but this time, it's no one's fault..i didnt know that it will be like this, i thought everything will work out perfectly..just like what i learned before, 'what really matters is the feelings you have for each other, whenever there is a challenge, face it, risk what you have, and it will all worth it, everything will just follow just have patience and courage then everything will be alright'...

right now, at this moment, i dont really know what to do..whatever happens, happens!...i care about him..and he believed that there is something for us is the future(me too)..although both of us want the same things in life, some things are just not turning out the way we want it to be..i know i dont have any right to be feeling like this, im not supposed to be hurt, im not supposed to cry, but i did..coz i felt something for him..now i dont know what really matters right now..confused, shattered, depressed..one moment i feel like cheering him up but he still worries, im feeling what he feels, coz i know this is not what he expected, and i didnt expect that these things could happen too..

i dont know, im totally blank..and i just need to let this out right now..kinda emotional..i really appreciate his efforts, its the reason why i just wanna find ways to make some time with him..anyway..maybe i feel like this because i know both sides of the story..im just finding it hard to decide somewhere in the middle..my cousin knows what im going through then she told me that it is just so complicated.i think im trapped inside..i dont know the way out..

she was making sure of my safety and he was making me happy...both have good intentions..but she was keeping me safe too much like im a 7 year old girl..he was trying his best so i'll like him but i already did liked him even before i met him..she planned the best things for me, but he planned the things that will make me happy..confused, down and hurt..

yesterday was valentines day..nice day..i was receiving jokes from my classmates and friends..they knew that i dont have a boyfriend yet but they knew that im interested with someone..anyway, they were sending me 'happy independence day'..(for those who were single on valentines day) and 'join ka na sa samahan ng malalamig na pebrero'..i still belong to this group coz im still single..i thought that it will take me forever to find a nice guy who will be sincere, but unexpectedly, he found me..and now that we found each other there is a challenge (the balance of nature - there's always something that will come your way when you already knew what will make you happy)..im ready to put myself out there again..but..

hayts,,,,