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i did everything that you had told me..and now i dont know what's left for me..

im not perfect..but you wanted me to be the perfect one..i did everything so you can be proud of me..i worked hard but i still dont feel like you're proud of me..or you even appreciate my hard work..others can see it, my friends, in school..but why can't you?

you lead me to a different direction in life..i accepted it..tried to love it even though its not what i really wanted..and now that i finally have the heart of it, you want me to stop..you told me to 'finish what i've started'..and now im doing it..but i feel like you're not supporting me emotionally..yes, there is no doubt to your support on financial matters, but..i just want you to realize that 'appreciation is my success'..but how?!

you have shield me from bad influences..and those who are close to me thinks that 'ITS TOO MUCH, THAT I CAN'T EVEN BREATH'..yes you were protecting me..but you wanna keep me away from my friends too..i did what you wanted..you dont want me to have a 'barkada'..you dont like it when someone is always going out..that's why im a loner..but..thinking of it..i realized that maybe you just don't wanna lose me..but im hopin you'll realize that overprotecting me will only make me wandering around and breaking the rules..

i wanna taste freedom..no worries..no curfew..im just hoping that you'll also realize..that 'barkada' is not that bad..it only depends to the kind of people you hang out with..if you're hanging out with the right ones..then its good..but if you're hanging out just to fit in..then maybe with that situation i could really get into trouble..

i wanna be appreciated..just like everyone else..they're proud of me..and i wanted you to be proud of me too..ever since i got my first achievement..i never felt like you're proud of me..its like, it was just a regular day for you..and i felt really sad, depressed..and at that time i got no one to talk to coz im not that really close to me friends..

wonder im full of secrecy?..you wanted to be strong, not thinking about disappointments, move on immediately..but in real life, it just doesnt work like that..in order to move on, you have to let it out first..time can only tell if you have really moved on from that disappointment..you didnt want me to be weak..and you taught me to ignore the feelings which is not meant to be kept but to be shown..

and now i dont know what im going to do with my life..i dont even feel like its my life..i feel like a robot..do these stuff..dont do that..but if you see me that way..maybe im a robot..a robot who has a heart that feels..and is capable of being hurt..im lost..and without you there supporting me in all aspects..i wont have freedom..thinking about this really makes me cry..but i have no choice..you have my respect..and my gratitude and you're thinking that it may not be enough..maybe one day i'll be forced to run away from you..no matter how much it will tear me apart..

i really appreciate everything that you did for me..i really do..but..please let me enjoy my life..im missing lots of things..and im always pretending that i never regret those..

i dont know what im going to do..im hopin that one day, you'll hear me out..

(,-_-,)