who are you, really?

lately, i've been confused..til now..i should have never fallen for you..my status is silent..i dont know how we've started..and i dont know if it ended..i barely even know you...so, why should you trust someone who you barely even know?..how can we be committed to someone if we dont really know our partner?..am i making any sense here?..things happened so fast..it really did..and i almost forgot how we've come this far..

maybe..just, maybe..we thought we love each other because of interests, our ideals..but..is this for real?..coz im not really feeling it.."we can have time for each other, if we will make time, there's always a way"...are you getting this?..right now, i dont know if i'll be happy, mad, or sad, or maybe just depressed and lonely..if we have to make some sacrifices, do you think in the end, all of those sacrifices will worth it?

things happen, there's always circumstances coming in our way..now, what if..while we are apart..you'll meet someone, and i'll meet someone..what if, one day you'll realize im not the one for you coz you found someone better..

is it true?that long relationship never lasts once there's no closeness between the both of you?..time is the element here..what if, time had gone without noticing it, and you realize that its already a lost love?..and the moment you realize it, that's the moment you'll realize the value of it..and how much was lost in you..

yes, i am sensitive and all of these..but..i can therefore say..that someday, i'll never care for you the way that i did..someday, i'll never ever expect anything from you..and someday i can forget you..so, i wont mind if you dont feel the same way as before,, just tell me..coz you know one minute you're making me feel like you love me, then after a few minutes, you tend to change your mood...and i dont know why...i dont know you anymore..(i thought i did)

maybe, how you treat me, is like how you treat the other girls around you..and you never noticed that you're hurting me..and you dont really get me..am i over reacting here?..am i way too deep for you and you dont like it anymore?..if it would be like that, then i guess there's too much pain now and probably this would be the end for this feeling i have for you..i just dont have time for the pain, its killing me while i try to heal myself..

dont cry to me

if you love me

you would be here with me

you want me

come find me

make up your mind

many many things happened today....but im still thankful....=)

you know what?while i was on my way to school this morning..there was a song played on the radio...and it kinda reminded me of someone....hmmmmm..."i dont wanna miss a thing' by aerosmith....its a really really great song..it was stuck in my head all day...but i hope what i had with that someone will never change..anyway, im ok with my life..and he's ok with his life..

-----

my practicum was settled this morning..im so glad it did..i was reassigned to another entity...but i didn't start my ojt this morning coz i still have a claz at 11:30....ehehehehe....anyways..when my immediate supervisor asked when should we get started..i said i'll start this afternoon...so for the meantime...i just surf the net again..listen to music (as usual)..then of course..visited my farmville...=D

but i didnt got the time to finish planting crops...how sad...=(..but its ok..i will still be able to level up my mastery crop....=))...

so, when i started my ojt..it was actually kinda cool..coz i was assigned in the acctg department..and my immediate supervisor told me to post items in the ledger...and i liked it...but after i finished with the task that was given to me, i tried applying what i had learned..the trial balance..then i figured out..that all the debits and all the credits is not equal..i didnt know what it happend like that so i doubled check my work...hmmm...maybe because there was no adjustments yet?...probably...that could be one of the reason..and the data was not complete anyway...

i also met someone who is also a practicumer...and used the computer im using to print out some docs...but unfortunately, there was a paper jam..that's why they were having trouble printing those docs..well, he said that he's graduating this coming october..and that he studied for 5yrs from a 4yr course...there were also some JO there...they were nice..the other one is a gay...ehehehhee...

-----

after that, i went to school coz i still have a claz til 8:30...imagine...in monday and wednesday i'l work whole day(8-12;1-5) then i got a claz at 5:30-8:30...and then on tuesday and thursday i'll work from 8-11, go to school coz i got a claz @11:30-1..then at 2-5 is my ojt..then at 5:30-8:30 is claz...thank goodness on friday i dont have any class or else..i'll be really really stressed at the end of the week...and i still have to study my subjects..esp acctg and mgt10b..in mgt10b we always got a recitation every meeting..but i like it..at least i can develop my communication skills...

-----

tonight..i mean every night this week..i feel really exhausted...maybe its coz of the situation im facing now..i think i have insomia...i cant sleep at night..there are lots of things racing inside my head...but im really thankful i got this new friends who can keep me company...i enjoy talking with them..so thank you...=)

i remember that song

Someone who's been a bit too distant -- emotionally, and perhaps even physically -- has been on your mind an awful lot. As so often happens with people as deeply connected as you two are, you've been on their mind, too. The only question now is which of you is brave enough to make the first move? Don't give them the starring role in the story that's sure to have everyone talking soon. HOROSCOPE 6-13-10

that was quite fun, and i miss it..but i get frustrated whenever i think about it..whenever i passed by the places we've gone..its always you who's popping out in my head..together with a friend..being there with me..i miss that so much..hope we've made so many memories though..i remember that night when you were singing that song "queen of my heart"..and i was there staring at you, smiling at you..

and after a couple of days, whenever i miss you, i just think about your favorite song..it makes me smile..but then as time goes by..that song is making me cry..coz missing you makes me cry..before i go to bed, that song is my lullaby..and i hugged my teddy thinking that it was you that im embracing..

i even made that video..a slideshow of pics with your favorite song on it..im hoping that..the end part of that video will also happen to us..but maybe im having too much illusions..and never thought of the possibilities that is happening now..i was too blind to see the reality coz of that love..i know you know how i loved you..

that was a long time ago though..as you said, people change..and u changed..i changed..we grew apart..and now im falling apart..

a bad day yesterday

i thought everything's gonna be alright..i thought i got nothing to worry about..today i just made a mess in my life...

we had our orientation for practicum yesterday afternoon..and surprisingly, we were the first batch that have been given new requirements..during orientation, i was making plans already on how can i accomplish them..so first, i have to make a resume and application letter to be submitted also yesterday afternoon (on the spot)..that was not the problem for me coz i can make one..then, after i submit the resume and application letter, i have to inform our dean that there was changes in the schedule of my subjects..so, the working student took my load slip to show it to the dean..but then, unexpectedly, the dean became mad coz i didnt inform her anything before i change the schedule of my subject..because of that, the pain that i've had during my high school days came back..there was a pain on my chest again, i started crying..and when i start crying while the pain wouldn't stop, its hard for me to stop crying..i dont know what's wrong with me again..but im glad that someone took care of me..

during that moment, my mind wasn't in the prob bout my practicum..but i was thinking like going to the hospital to have a check up and to ask for a medicine to calm me down..but then, i was worried that i'll faint on my way to the hospital, so i just went home..it was almost 8pm when i got home..and my mom wondered why i cried..i cant tell her much bout the story..the details will only kill me...

anyway..one way or another, i realized that..i'm not tensed talking with an authority..i face it with confidence and respect..im a good listener..and i just wanna let her know bout my side of the story..she didnt gave me the time to explain why my sched was like that..im just hopin that she'd hear me out first..and if there is a problem..i cant undo my mistakes..i didnt know what i was supposed to do..im hopin that next time she wont get mad, listen first then find solutions..and i wanna apologize if i made her lose her temper...even though she's not reading this..i just wanna express how i felt about what happened..rejection is a big thing for me..i can accept criticisms, judgments..but im finding it hard to accept rejections..especially now that im a graduating student..and i hate myself for not knowing that i still have to inform the dean about those changes in my schedule..

anyway, i'll apologize later..and thank those who helped me relieved...

gothic much?!

"dont cry to me

if you love me

you would be here with me

you want me

come find me

make up your mind"

that's the chorus of the song "call me when you're sober"..maybe im just being a gothic now..cant blame myself for being like this..anyway..why is it that most of the people hates or irritated with those who are gothics?..a friend of mine told me, that if your friends cannot accept who you really are, then you cant call them 'friends'..i mean..i think its reasonable to feel down especially when something really happened in your life, right?..

maybe others just doesnt wanna hang out with the gothic ones..coz one way or another, others are thinking that gothics are into death, suicidal, etc..and maybe others are just afraid of thinking like that or maybe they dont wanna lose their popularity or something..

i've been a gothic a long time ago, emotionally but i dont really look like one..i love gothic pics..that's why my fave color is black and bloody red..i wanna be a gothic again..here is just something about being a gothic that i feel like im attached to..but i dont know what it is, im finding it hard to identify that gothic characteristics...

so, there is another song that i love "sweet sacrifice" also, by evanescence..i wanna share its lyrics with you guys..

"Sweet Sacrifice"

It's true, we're all a little insane.

But it's so clear,

Now that I'm unchained.

Fear is only in our minds,

Taking over all the time.

Fear is only in our minds but it's taking over all the time.

You poor sweet innocent thing.

Dry your eyes and testify.

You know you live to break me. Don't deny.

Sweet sacrifice.

One day I'm gonna forget your name,

And one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain.

Fear is only in our minds,

Taking over all the time.

Fear is only in our minds but it's taking over all the time.

You poor sweet innocent thing.

Dry your eyes and testify.

And oh you love to hate me don't you, honey?

I'm your sacrifice.

(I dream in darkness

I sleep to die,

Erase the silence,

Erase my life,

Our burning ashes

Blacken the day,

A world of nothingness,

Blow me away.)

Do you wonder why you hate?

Are you still too weak to survive your mistakes?

You poor sweet innocent thing.

Dry your eyes and testify.

You know you live to break me.

Don't deny.

Sweet sacrifice. 

you see, if you just read the lyrics, i know that most of the people can relate to that..the pain, revenge..there are times in our lives that we had felt like that, right?..the only difference from that time and now is, you moved on..but for gothics, its really difficult to move on especially if what you've lost is what you really needed..

..just sharin..

untitled

i did everything that you had told me..and now i dont know what's left for me..

im not perfect..but you wanted me to be the perfect one..i did everything so you can be proud of me..i worked hard but i still dont feel like you're proud of me..or you even appreciate my hard work..others can see it, my friends, in school..but why can't you?

you lead me to a different direction in life..i accepted it..tried to love it even though its not what i really wanted..and now that i finally have the heart of it, you want me to stop..you told me to 'finish what i've started'..and now im doing it..but i feel like you're not supporting me emotionally..yes, there is no doubt to your support on financial matters, but..i just want you to realize that 'appreciation is my success'..but how?!

you have shield me from bad influences..and those who are close to me thinks that 'ITS TOO MUCH, THAT I CAN'T EVEN BREATH'..yes you were protecting me..but you wanna keep me away from my friends too..i did what you wanted..you dont want me to have a 'barkada'..you dont like it when someone is always going out..that's why im a loner..but..thinking of it..i realized that maybe you just don't wanna lose me..but im hopin you'll realize that overprotecting me will only make me wandering around and breaking the rules..

i wanna taste freedom..no worries..no curfew..im just hoping that you'll also realize..that 'barkada' is not that bad..it only depends to the kind of people you hang out with..if you're hanging out with the right ones..then its good..but if you're hanging out just to fit in..then maybe with that situation i could really get into trouble..

i wanna be appreciated..just like everyone else..they're proud of me..and i wanted you to be proud of me too..ever since i got my first achievement..i never felt like you're proud of me..its like, it was just a regular day for you..and i felt really sad, depressed..and at that time i got no one to talk to coz im not that really close to me friends..

wonder im full of secrecy?..you wanted to be strong, not thinking about disappointments, move on immediately..but in real life, it just doesnt work like that..in order to move on, you have to let it out first..time can only tell if you have really moved on from that disappointment..you didnt want me to be weak..and you taught me to ignore the feelings which is not meant to be kept but to be shown..

and now i dont know what im going to do with my life..i dont even feel like its my life..i feel like a robot..do these stuff..dont do that..but if you see me that way..maybe im a robot..a robot who has a heart that feels..and is capable of being hurt..im lost..and without you there supporting me in all aspects..i wont have freedom..thinking about this really makes me cry..but i have no choice..you have my respect..and my gratitude and you're thinking that it may not be enough..maybe one day i'll be forced to run away from you..no matter how much it will tear me apart..

i really appreciate everything that you did for me..i really do..but..please let me enjoy my life..im missing lots of things..and im always pretending that i never regret those..

i dont know what im going to do..im hopin that one day, you'll hear me out..

(,-_-,)

what a day!

woah...many many things did happen today...its the first day of class...but my class actually starts at 5:30 in the afternoon...well, i've been busy cleaning up this morning..and i really did sweat a lot..later on..while i was preparin myself..and my stuff for school...there was no electricity!..oh no!...and i still have to dry my hair before i leave...huhuhuhu...i was in a hurry of course..coz i still have to settle for a new ID..i really misplaced my ID...i didnt know where did i put i placed it...

so..thank God..the electricity was back(after 1hr, jeez!)..so when i arrived in school..after a few mins..i already got a new ID..(produced an ID for my last sem in school)..then i hang out with my batchmates in highschool which are my schoolmates too..talked and talked and talked about stuff..about what we did during our 2months vacation..(their 2months of vacation while me..just a month)...then talked about something new to their lives...it was fun actually..then..it just so happened that we have the same last class from M-TH..isnt it cool?..we have each other..and we could hang out and go home at the same time..

so there i was...surprised...coz of the new things going on in school...we actually have this new requirement..for every subject it is mandatory to have a notebook..coz it will be passed before the semester ends at the dean's office...its just bad for me..coz i really bought this cute exp envelope for my notes..and my notes will be written only in yellow papers..coz if i use a notebook, i'll just be wasting the remaining pages after the semester...right?...hayts...so i need to find a way..to save money..again...and again..and again...

but all in all...after what happend today..i still feel thankful...(though there parts in my life which is really depressing)..and anyway..i saw 11 this afternoon..oh, he's still the same, he never changes...and i feel like..he was looking at me..?...nah...maybe just my imagination playing with my mind...ahahahaha....

woah..been gone in my blog for a while...

its june..claz will start 2morow..im so excited..learning new stuff again..i've had enough troubles for the past few weeks...and i think im ready to get back on track...

i've noticed..that internet really has a powerful impact in the society..most teenagers, adults, kids..often spend their time surfing the net..playing games, checking mails, checking the msgs in a social networking sites, dating online..and what could have ever surprised me?...now, e-commerce is really IN to the business market today..there are many great advantages..and there are also disadvantages...

now, if you plan to merchandise a product, promote a new product in the market..in the INTERNET..ADVERTISING would be a great help for increasing a company's profit..one of the advantages that i identified for an e-commerce is that, you don't need to invest a big capital for your business(building, rental, utilities expense, etc.)..all u need is ur merchandise, a warehouse or a stockroom, some stuff that can be used like mannequin for clothing, accessories, and the like, and most importantly a computer....just 4 things right?..u dont need to worry bout paying bills, business taxes and licenses, etc..

i've seen many sellers spreading their advertisement all over the internet..here in the philippines, shopping online could be found at ayosdito.com, ebay.com and a social networking site: facebook.com...yes..it is that easy..(well, if you know how to manage your business well)..

BUT..there are also disadvantages for e-commerce..like..bogus buyers online..now who are these bogus buyers?..bogus buyers are the ones who reserved for an item..but then later on cancels their order due to some excuses..it really delays the transactions for the business..also..for those sellers who do 'meet ups'..sometimes the items that they are selling(especially those handy ones) can be stolen from the seller..

well..its just few things that i've learned surfing the net..hope i gave you guys some business ideas..just take a look at both sides..the advantages and the disadvantages..the risks, the circumstances, then try to balance it..then plan..organize, implement those plans, and control...that's your way to success!