..i dnt know what to do anymore

speechless..i dont even know what to say anymore..i dont know how to express every detail in my mind..all i know is that..i miss him..and i miss how we spend time with each other..i was better with him..and thinking of all the things that he did for me..made me regret of how i acted..

i dont wanna love anyone else..for now..its him who my heart longs for..i kept all the stuff he gave me,,i kept them all..i love the stuffd toy he gave me..and i always wanna embrace it when i go to sleep..i got the card he gave me..the rose that i kept..it will never fade away..

for now..i just need to be alone..no matter how i feel..if we're meant for each other, he'll come back..and if he dont..i dnt know if im gonna wait for him or just..i dont know..

(-_-)

i dnt know what happened to me

everything's alright..im with myself, not with someone,,not getting close to any guy so i wont get attached..

but..

one day, i saw him..and i told myself "here we go again"..when i looked at him i feel like crying already, so i just acted like i dont care, and like we're strangers again..i dont know him and he doesnt know me..i was trying to avoid him..when i saw him, i was surprised to see him, i was shocked seeing him..while i was approaching someone that he's talking with, our eyes met, not just a glance..but i mean we stared at each other's eyes...i hope he didnt notice how i was feeling when i saw him..but then, after i asked the the person who he's talking with, i immediately turn away..when i was already in the multicab, that moment was stuck in my head, like a video tape that's played in slow motion,,

then, on the afternoon, while i was asking the lady on the table about something, i dnt know if it was just a coincidence or what, but are these things signs that he's the one for me?..but we're through, and past is past..i cnt go back..anymore..

its better this way, im alone,,no bf..i've set my priorities, and i'll turn my plans into action..no more distractions,,i learned my lesson..i dnt wanna be left expecting and loving someone that much..and the guy is staying away from me coz he thinks that its better to be apart...i wanna live happily..gain more friends, hang out with them, watch movies, go shopping and everything...i wanna make decisions for my own..and this time, i've decided..i dnt wanna have a bf yet unless im ready to be committed...

although, seeing couples anywhere i go,,make me so insecure..

i feel like leaving this place..

man, i dont wanna stay here anymore...i wanna go somewhere..have an adventure...planning some things in life already...when will i get married?..just joking..im still confused about my plans after graduation...should i work in the city?..or go to cebu/makati?...i wana run away from here...past is haunting me..everytime i thought about it..i cant help to miss those memoirs...

i dont wanna stay here anymore..i dont wanna see those people who turned their back on me..it keeps on hurting me you know..good thing if my family will always be there for me, showing their care and nurture..and everything..im insecure of my family coz they're helping each other..and no one is helping me in my self-development..

i think i dont wanna expect anything anymore..and i blame myself for my decisions..pity on me!..keep on pushing and pushing and pushing..til no one comes back...

should i have a makeover?..change myself, change attitude, change lifestyle..live a new life..forget those who have hurt me and start a new circle?..maybe i can do that..just need support to those new friends i just met..

god i miss him..and i hate it..

i miss someone..

i miss someone..someone i know...hope he misses me too...

can i act like i dont care?..but if i do,,he'll think like im pushin him away?..my blog really sucks..i dont even know what to say...you see, everytime i got nothin to do, he eventually crosses my mind..asking questions like :how is he doing right now?..is he ok?..should i text him or call him or email him?'...crazzzzzyyyy thoughts of mine..

should i just let things happen?..you see, i've been hanging out with new people..getting close to them, ask advices and everything..but they dont want me to talk about love coz it only pisses them off...although there's this someone i met a few weeks ago,.that maybe..just maybe..he wanted to court me..(his acts say so)..but i wont go beyond bounderies..he's my friend..

ohhh...how i hate missin that someone..it makes me depressed..my supervisor had noticed that i cant concentrate on my ojt..(thoughts are like racing in my mind)..keep myself busy and forget everything?..

so much for my happy ending...

man, i blew it..

some things in life cannot be taken back..so, i asked, is this a regret?..no, not another one..i dont wanna have any regrets..again...

everyday, i always check my horoscope..to be more aware of what going on in my life..esp my lovelife..yeah..but its kinda hard to predict..should i forget about it or keep hoping?...i dont know maybe im just missing the things we had before..but anyway im glad that my new close friends got my back..but im hoping that i wont miss anything..

i blew it...i really blew it..i dont know if he does really care or just busy with some stuff..but one thing for sure..i will never ever run after a guy ever again..that kinda makes me feel down..you know, when you feel like he's not sharing his life with you( not like im married)...

hope there will always be a closure..

ehehehehe...well anyway i just passed by my blog..to express some thoughts i cant really figure out..confused?..yes i am...