May 15, 2011
May 12, 2011
Lost and Silent
Go back in time
Make sense of what I feel,
Gather my strength
Hide the broken heart
Try to reconnect with the inner self
Was it real? Or a dream?
How can it be a loss
When my loss is someone else's gain?
A dream? It wasn't...
For no dream leaves its prints
On the mind and heart this way.
When seeds are sown they continue to grow
May 10, 2011
there's nothing i can do
kept on waiting and waiting...
arrrrggghhhhh!
network is offline...
nothing much to do...did all the things that needs to be done...so bored....
silence...gosh i hate silence....madami na lang biglang pumapasok sa isip ko..lalo kong namimiss yung mga taong naging bahagi ng buhay ko..naexperience mo na ba yung saglit na..you're depressed..at eto kasama mo kaibigan mo..no matter how hard you try not show it, nalalaman pa rin nila..i know need ko ng comfort..pero di ko alam kung bakit ayokong malaman ng ibang tao ang tunay na nararamdaman ko..am i just afraid na di nila ako maintindihan?or am i just afraid na makita nila akong umiiyak?..
emo na naman ako..cncya na...
sometimes i just wanna break down and cry...yeah...i dont know what i'm goin to do with my life..my life's a mess..and i hate this..i hate being like this..and the sad part is..there's nothing i can do about it..coz im really stuck...
i dont wanna write too many things here in my blog whenever im feeling like this...meron lang talagang mga bagay na di ko kayang iexplain yung mga nangyayari sa buhay ko...either ayoko lang malaman ng iba or pagod na akong balikan pa yun...
(2ngkol ba 2 a pag-ibig?...nah...)
*pacomfort naman jan oh?...pwede mo ba akong i-hug?..i feel really sad...
May 7, 2011
i can't make it go away..
i tried running away from it..
tried pretending..
tried hiding...
there will always be something or someone to drag you right back. you'll always end up facing yourself no matter how far you run.
when i woke up this morning, it's still heartbreaking.. the pain is still there.. and those flashbacks keep on coming back.. its like watching a movie in a cinema all day.. a drama..
sometimes i just feel like i wanna go somewhere else.. to be alone.. just be with myself.. no one else but me.. feel like i just wanna sit under the tree.. near the beach.. and let it all out..
i wanna jump out of a plane with no parachute.. ride a motorcycle like i'm not going to crash..
thinking, no one is going to hurt you.. like on sleepless nights when there's nothing but the tick of the clock.. those nights when there is no such thing as minutes or hours.. those nights when there's no time.. only darkness
i wanna jump out of a plane with no parachute.. ride a motorcycle like i'm not going to crash..
thinking, no one is going to hurt you.. like on sleepless nights when there's nothing but the tick of the clock.. those nights when there is no such thing as minutes or hours.. those nights when there's no time.. only darkness
May 5, 2011
keep on believing...
its what i've always dreamed of..
gotta try so hard...
the door is opened again...i found an opportunity in achieving my dream..but i still have to start all over again...if last time, i was really distracted, this time i gotta focus..there's something inside me that wants to reach out..and its what i've ever wanted..and i have to reach that dream...
i know someday, i will be in the spotlight...
=)
(feeler na qng feeler..ahahaha...naencourage na ata ak ng friend ko..bahala na 2..kakayanin...)
bakit ba hindi kita makalimutan?
before ako matulog,
bigla ka na lang papasok sa isipan ko..
at nagtataka ako kung bakit ganito..
hay naku..di ko alam kung anu pinapahiwatig mo sa kin eh..everytime na online ka at online din ako, di ka na nagbibigay ng message...dati, kahit 'oi' lang, ok na sa kin..even though we're not having a real conversation..di ko alam kung iniiwasan mo ba ako o anu...di ba nga magkaibigan tayo?..bakit nagbago ka?..you told me that we're gonna stay as friends, right?..excited pa naman akong makausap ka..kasi alam mo sa totoo lang, namiss talaga kita..sobra...at tagal na din tayong di nagkakasama...nakikita kita minsan, pero parang ayokong lumapit..kasi nga di ba, may nililigawan ka ngaun?..yun ung sinabi mo sa kin last time eh..di ba nga nag gitara ka pa nun sabay kanta?..pinarinig mo sa kin kasi sabi mo kakantahan mo siya..at gusto mo malaman kung maganda ba o hindi..
im so proud of you..marami na din nagbago sayo..tinutulungan mo na parents mo ngaun..pati mga kapatid mo..at masaya akong makita kang nag eenjoy kasama mga kaibigan mo..sana naalala mo pa rin 2ng url ng blog ko..sana binabasa mo pa mga posts ko..kasi ibang post ko para sayo..
sa site..you asked a question to the public..tinanong mo "what would the greatest reason that you truly love a person?"..marami kang tinanong sa site..anyway..feel ko gusto ko ng umiwas talaga sayo..pero sa tuwing ginagawa ko yun, lalo kitang hinahanap..gus2hin ko mang kausapin ka..sa txt man, o sa site..parang nagbabackout na lang ako..kasi, pareho nating di alam ang sasabihin..at pareho tayong tipid sa messages natin..
maybe this will be the last post that i'll publish just for you..sana..kahit meron ka ng trabaho ngaun, sana tapusin mo pa rin pag aaral mo..sayang kasi, malapit ka na sa finish line..at idol kita..talino mo kaya..siguro nakalimutan mo na ako, sa tagal na hindi tayo nagkausap at di nagkikibuan, posibleng nakalimutan mo na meron ka pa ring kaibigan dito na naghihintay sayo..at handang tumulong sayo kung kelangan mo..pero lam mo, isa ka sa top3 na naging importante sa buhay ko..you taught me a lot...and i really appreciate that..i wish i could have the guts to tell you face to face na i wanna keep you, as a friend..for a lifetime..and im just gonna be here waiting for that day to come..
i miss you friendship..
i really do..
you're my best guy friend..
May 4, 2011
May 2, 2011
"i still love you, what about you???"
sometimes we became so unsure of our decisions..
especially when we see our loved one..
loves someone else
una sa lahat, hindi ko ginawa 'tong post na to, dahil may pinatatamaan ako huh..i just decided to make this post because i've read something, in a social networking site...
here's a story of two average people...let's name them, Alice and Alex...they broke up a couple of months ago..si Alice ay gumagawa ng paraan para mapalapit pa rin kay Alex..they both know they still love each other, they both know that the chemistry is still there..bakit sila naghiwalay?.."ITS COMPLICATED"...sabi ni Alex, naguguluhan siya..dati kasi paniniwala niya, "THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THIS WORLD IS LOVE, DI NA DAPAT PANG ISIPIN AND MGA DAHILAN, IMPORTANTE ALAM NYONG NAGMAMAHALAN KAYO"...
totoo nga sabi nila, "ANG PAG-IBIG DI YAN HINAHANAP, KUSA NA LANG YAN DARATING"..its like EVERYTHING IS JUST A COINCIDENCE, AND YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, BAKA MEANT TO BE TALAGA KAYONG DALAWA DI BA?...
pero...anu ba talaga nangyari sa relasyon nila?...ako rin hindi ko alam eh..simplify natin, kung ako tatanungin, siguro it just didnt worked out..they love each other..pero bakit naguguluhan si Alex?..is it because of someone else?...(NO!),,its because Alex loved her so much but Alice has personal issues..sinabi pa nga ni Alex sa kin "nakakasawa ang paulit ulit umintindi"..in short, pagod na siya...
pero tama din siguro si Alex..lahat tayo napapagod din, sa kahit anong bagay na ginagawa natin, kahit nga pag tulog ka lang ng tulog nakakapagod din di ba?
he gave up, just like that...sabi nila pag mahal mo daw ang isang tao, makakaya mo siyang pagsabihan..syempre para din sa ikabubuti ng relasyon nyo di ba?...nasa pag aadjust din naman yun eh..dapat pag mahmahal ka, willing kang mag adjust..kasi, kung nasasaktan ka man sa kanya, ok lang yan, kasi siya din naman ang dahilan kung bakit nagmamahal ka di ba?
patuloy na nagmahal si Alice kahit magkaibigan na lang sila..isang gabi, nong tumawag si Alice para mangumusta, napag alaman niya na may nililigawan na pala si Alex, syempre kung mahal mo pa yung tao masasaktan ka rin di ba?..she pretended to be ok..but deep inside she was dying..
Alice met a guy, he's kinda nice, much good looking than Alex..this guy had courted her...since Alex is courting someone, she just decided to accept the love of her suitor...their relationship is doing ok...but then one day, in the social networking site that i was talking about earlier, Alice told me that she is confused..she said "kasi nagmahal ako ng iba para lang kalimutan siya, pero ako ba pinariringgan niya?..mahal pa rin ba talaga niya ako?"
naku..simpleng problema lang yun sa una, simpleng bagay lang pinakomplikado niyo pa..i think it happened because both of you needed some space..pero sana lang, kung alam niyong mahal niyo pa ang isa't isa, di na muna sana kayo naghanap ng iba, kasi kayo rin ang nasasaktan sa huli..sabi pa nga, "wag mong lagyan ng band aid kung dumudugo pa"..in other words "wag kang maghanap ng panakip butas kung mahal mo pa siya"...
sa sitwasyon nila..sa tingin ko mas mabuting mag usap sila..lahat naman ng bagay napag uusapan di ba?..itanong yung mga bagay na nakakapagpagulo sa isipan nila...find some answers ...lahat ng problema may solusyon, kung walang solusyon, eh di yun problema, problema ba yun?..
if you love someone, dont let her go..probably, you'll wake up one morning and you realized that (s)he's gone..its hard to accept something when you know you still have a reason to hold on(like: you both know you still love each other)...alagaan mo hangga't nasayo pa, kasi pag mawala yan sayo, baka hanap hanapin mo, hinayaan mong maagaw pa ng iba....
tama????
"eh ako, mahal pa rin kita, ako mahal mo pa rin ba?"
we're a creature capable of loving...
we all experienced loss..
we'd also experience how to be alone..
but is it an enough reason not to stand up again?
they say that some people who became part of our lives, just passed by in order for us to learn something...yeah probably its true...but sometimes when we feel so stuck in our emotions, we're finding it hard to accept what's really happening...because, we tend to regret the things that we should have done but never been done...and thoughts of having that memory is such a precious thing to let go....
a friend told me..that if you wanna cry, just cry...let it out...because sometimes, crying is the only way of expressing unspoken words..."come on, there's always a rainbow after the rain"..we have the chance to be happy...just choose the right path..."do what you love and love what you do"..
we have to admit, we just feel so down whenever things dont work out the way we want it to be....(im talking bout love life here, ok?)..maybe it happened for us to be better...coz if we just get what we want without hard work, we'll just be taking for granted the things that we have, and we will never appreciate its value unless its gone....
what if...we never learned to move on?..(there is no acceptance),,,that's reality..we're finding it hard to accept something especially when it stayed too long and its too hard to let go...and you know, that's all you ever wanna be...wishing life has controls...reset and feel that feeling again...we wish to rewind our lives and we wanna pause it but we just cant make it stay....
courage,,,,that's all we ever need...courage to "stand up and try again"...we have to step backward in order not make wise decisions for the future...am i right?...just because we're taking one step backward doesnt mean that we're a coward..its because, we have accepted something and we're not afraid to try again...take a pause, breath, stand up and try again...that's life...
most of us are afraid to keep on trying and trying..because we're afraid that we might get hurt for the same reason over and over again...tell you what, we meet people with different personalities, with different point of views, with different cultures..your past cannot be exactly the same as your present, because they are two different people...
we all get hurt and cry...but we still chose to love again...because..WE BELIEVE IN LOVE...and WE KNOW THAT THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO DESERVE TO BE LOVED AS WE WANNA BE LOVED BACK...
have faith...
April 30, 2011
destiny???
"please dont let thing feeling end,
its everything i am,
everything i wanna be"
what if...there is no such thing as "DESTINY"?..i think lovers would exert more effort so they wont be apart..i notice that most of us right now are taking our partners for granted..knowing that they will always be there for us..but i just wanna remind you guys that all of us get tired at some point, especially if efforts are not appreciated..
we just have to be contented of what had been given to us, and whatever has been given i hope you'll appreciate it..coz once its lost, you'll have regrets..the most important thing that we should be doing..is we have to try...we have to try exerting effort and fighting for what we believe in..whatever might happen..if you got what you want or not, its ok..as long as you have tried to make it work, right?..it will not be your loss...
have you ever experienced fighting for someone before, but then it didnt worked out?...and right now you're afraid to try again...its because, you're afraid of getting hurt for the same reason....a friend once told me that if you wanna be happy with your life, if you wanna be with someone, you have to risk it all..and make everything work, be able to adjust...coz once you push something in your own way, wherever you wanna be, you can never be there...
at some point, i have experienced before, being in a situation, where he and i loved each other..and we were so happy together..we're like kids...and i was sitting outside, in the stairs..he just came to me and made me smile...at that time, we're still strangers...i honestly wasnt expecting that i'd be able to love again..but then i did..and when we were together, i remembered, there were lots of hindrances came our way..and what made us strong..is that..we were still there for each other no matter what happens..no matter how complicated it was..it was all worth it...you know why?..because we fought for something special...and i felt how magical it was, when i realized..we were happy..coz if i lost him or he lost me, we know that we would be miserable...i felt happy especially when he introduces me to his family, his mother is very nice to me, as well as his sisters and cousins, and friends..there's nothing more i could ask for...one day, he knew that i was worried about us..(he does have a gf and they didnt had any formal breakup, and i know that they still have communication)..one morning, he called me, know what he told me?...he told his mom that he wants to get married..(who's the girl?..me)..surprised as i was..everything happened so fast..but then...as time flies..people change...after a couple of weeks, he started making me feel like he's going to leave me..he started asking questions like "if i would be leaving you, will you allow me?"..we had an argument at that night, he knows that i loved him, then he was asking me that question..what i did?..i fought for it..he knew how painful it is for me..the next morning..he apologized....from then on, we were much stronger...(to make the story short, in the end, it didnt worked out because some people prefer to be somewhere else than to be with you----just a flashback from the past).....
my point is..look at me..i didnt had any regrets of that relationship..because i tried..they knew how much i tried..it just..didnt worked out as i had imagined it would be...im still happy though, coz i know one day, i will be happy...just keep on believing...and just do what makes you happy...=)
April 18, 2011
let me check my health status
though we're all busy in our careers,
health is still our wealth..
dont forget to check the labels..
last night, i talked to my close friend, he told me 'nangangayayat na naman daw ako'...i've been stressed a lot lately..i can't sleep at night..i think im falling asleep at 2am/3am..i dont know what's been happening to me..im always keeping myself busy so much and i tend to ignore my health issues before...(hopin its not comin back, but its starting to show)
i love having veggie for lunch...but still, its not enough...migraine is coming back..hayts...i really hate it when my migraine attacks...i just wanna sleep all day...anyway, its not yet too late...i have to take care of my health and probably take care of my looks too?...(gosh,im so ugly)..
maybe i have to buy fruits again?...i feel like i wanna go back to what i was before...too much conscious of what im eating so i wont get fat, exercising twice a day...i miss those days...
pgpcncyahan nyo na aq..gs2 q muna magpost lang ng mgpost sa blog q kah8 alang sense, ok?
kaya nga aq lumayo db...para d q na xa makita...tapos e2 nong nakabalik naman aq bigla nacra araw q nong mkita q xa....tapos dagdag eksena pa 2ng isa lalo 2loy aqng nbd3p ah...anu nga ba nangyayari sa kin ngaun?..sabi ng kaibigan q, masyado p daw aqng affected?...22o ba?...ahy naku, bt p kc aq bumalik eh..nagccc 2loy aq...oh..puro shortcuts na mga tntype q d2...kelangan eh..baka kc may isa jan na itranslate 2ng post q sa english eh malaman mga cnasav q..kaya e2 shortcuts nlang....
nong andun naman aq, nakalayo n nga...aun, may ngppancn pa..kainis pa ung isa dumdskarte...tapos d p makontento sa asawa nya at tatlong anak...anu ba 2...
e2 pa ah...may kilala aqng nakabuntis, sa mayo xa manganganak, pinaasa nya ung babae oh na uuwi xa, tapos ndi pala...ehh bt pa nila gnawa un qng d rn lang naman nya kayang panagutan ung babae db?...tas ung lalaking un n nkabuntis meron pang sugarmommy...panu, financer nya, binblhan xa ng grocery, ahy naku alagang alaga talaga xa, kawawa naman ung pangalawa nya, eh kah8 may anak ung pangalawa nya, tao din namn un n masasaktan db,,inaalagaan n nga xa tapos nagloloko pa...e2 pa...meron p xang pangatlo...kabatchm8 nya nong hayskul ung babae nya..tntawagan gabi gabi...ung gam8 p nyang load ung binggay sa kanya ng pangalawa nya...d pa tayo tapos ah..meron p xang pang apat..nililigawan nya sa trabaho..panu parang supervisor ung lalaki eh..
ilan lang yan sa mga kalokohn ng mga lalaki ah..kawawa talaga pangalawa nya...nakakausap q p naman ung pangalawa nya kc bnbgyan ako ng advice...hay, mga lalaki talaga oh...d makontento sa isa oh..qng d masaya sa una, dun naman sa pangalawa...anu b yan...
ndi naman sa gal8 aq sa mga lalaki ah...ung akin lang naman..sana naman m22 taung mkonten2 sa qng anu ung binigay sa tin...tapucn muna ung huli bago magcmula ng bago, qng meron k na, wag kn mghanap p ng iba...guys ah, ung mga gngawa nyo d maganda, pinagla2ruan nyo lang buhay ng ibang tao eh...cnasav q lang mga 2 kc nasaktan ung kaibigan q...kaya naiiinis aq ngaun...kaya pacncya na sa mga natatamaan q...
wag nyong hntayin mwala sa inyo ung taong pnphalagahan kau..kc d n tau mkkhanap ng k2lad nla...pag btwan nyo man cla, cguraduhin nyong bbtwan nyo cla, wag ung paglalaruan mo pa tapos sasaktan pa....anu b yan....para naman taung d tao eh..parang "asal hayop" mga ugaling pinpkita ninyo....
